Working from Home Without Turning Into a Hermit: Tales from one Reformed Introvert

Working from home can certainly be liberating. The cable repair is happening between one and four.... No problem for the work-from-homer. Traffic’s a nightmare...... Not the work-from-homer’s problem! But, as in all good things in life, there is a downside. That downside for many of us, and for me in particular, was the lack of social interaction with other humans. You may not realize that it is missing. I know I didn’t at first. I just knew that in spite of doing work I dearly loved, something was amiss.

Let me preface by saying that I am an introvert. Every Myers-Briggs personality test I’ve ever taken confirms this statement. Even so, humans are simply not designed to go the entire work week void of human contact. I wasn’t. Falling into this trap led me to become isolated from the world, until I consciously worked to change it. The result: a much better outlook and a much more balanced life.

Here’s what I learned on my journey to prevent working from home from turning me into a full-on hermit.

1. You cannot rely on people in your household to provide you with all the social interaction you need.

Many days, my husband would walk in the door at five o’clock after a long day and long commute to his office where he spent most of the day interacting with others. What was my response? Immediately attempting to engage him in hours of conversation about my day. Did it meet my need for socialization? Not really. It also strained my marriage. While my husband is about as patient as they come, he alone could not meet my need for discussions revolving around my work. He couldn’t be my coworker and my husband. Besides, he very seldom had any valuable insight into what I was talking about. I’m a curriculum writer. He’s an aerospace engineer.

It might be tempting for us work-from-homers to think of our family or even roommates as built-in social interaction. After all, they are the low-hanging fruit. Unfortunately, this is an entirely different type of socialization. When we work from home, we are often devoid of the workplace relationships we once had. People in our lives who are not our colleagues can’t pick up the slack here. It’s just not in their job description. This means that unless the people in your household are also your literal coworkers, it is highly unlikely that they will be able to truly fill this role with any efficacy.

2. You must join an organized group of some sort.

You might think “Oh, I’ll still get out and socialize with others. I’ll just have to make more of an effort.” Will you though? I certainly initially thought this but fell into the trap of always wanting to be as productive with my work as possible. As a freelancer, if I’m not producing, I’m not earning. I always prioritized work over networking or attending social events. The key for me was joining the local chamber of commerce. This is an organized group with a predictable weekly and monthly schedule of events. For many events, I have to RSVP and/or purchase tickets for a nominal fee. This guarantees I actually prioritize showing up.

Whatever group you decide to join (a networking group, a Meetup group, a spiritual or social group, etc.), make sure it is very active and meets regularly. The greater variety of events on different days and at different times the better. This allows you to weave these events into your schedule as seamlessly as possible. Though it might feel awkward at first, I have found most people in such groups very accepting and good at welcoming in newcomers. As you develop social relationships with people in the group, you will begin to look forward to meetings, even if you know you will have to make up the hour of missed productivity at some other time.

3. You must set and meet socialization targets.

This is a tough one for many of us. If you’re a freelancer like me, you are likely already adept at setting earnings or productivity goals. Even salaried work-from-homers are generally pretty skilled at daily and weekly goal setting as it pertains to work output. Socialization goals? Like me, you probably haven’t even considered it.

My goal is three social activities per week. This includes a blend of meeting with friends and attending events within my more business-related social network. There’s no magic number, but once you’ve set the goal, stick with it. This will encourage you to keep that coffee date or attend that conference that you are on the fence about.

Working from home can truly be isolating, but there is a way to prevent this. It does take work, but the net result of your efforts will be greater fulfillment and a more balanced life that does not revolve around the four walls of your home. As someone who’s definitely been there, I implore you to make socialization an important part of your work week. Even though technology now enables us to work remotely, remote communications just don’t provide the same level of social interaction as old-fashioned face-to-face conversations. Make it a priority to engage in more of these. Even if you don’t recognize it right away, you do need them. I promise.